I spoke to my brother, and I feel worse.
I should have known better than to use my brother as a litmus test for telling my parents about my cancer. As far as emotions go, he takes after my mother. As soon as I told him, there was a pause of surprise (or maybe he was hoping that I was joking?) Anyway, as soon as he spoke I could tell by the lilt in his voice that he was trying not to cry. Then he wanted to pray with me over the phone (he’s a Lutheran Minister). I said “no thank you” to the praying part. I don’t know why. I think that it might be because so far, I haven’t really fallen apart over this and I’ve felt pretty strong. I think I just thought that if I prayed right then, it would be an admission of my own weakness. Right now, I don’t want to feel weak. I want to be strong and just get through this. I’ll call on God when I really need him, thank you very much.







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