Fighting Breast Cancer

I met my Chemo Oncologist, Dr. N, this afternoon.  He’s a very confusing fellow.  I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as stoic as he.  I guess that’s a good thing.  You don’t want your Oncologist playing the “got your nose” game with you or telling you, “Lighten up!  You’ve got cancer.”  It’s just that when I’m nervous, I make jokes or I try to say something that will break the tension in the room or get a rise out of somebody.  When Dr. N told me that I would be starting chemotherapy right away, I told him, “Good!  At least I’ll be Chemo-Skinny!”  Instead of cracking a wan-looking smile at my gung-ho spirit, he looked disturbed.

“Actually, Karen, you will most likely gain weight during chemo.”

“……….huh?”

“You should probably count on gaining between 20-30 pounds.”

“You’re kiddng me.  That can’t be right.”

He went on to tell me that I will experience many other symptoms:  Hair loss, nausea, anemia, my immune system will be compromised, pain, fatigue, shortness of breath, menopause, hot flashes…the list went on and on.  He told me that I would have one round of chemo every 2 weeks.  This is because I was young and strong and could take a  more frequent dose than the standard “one round every 3 weeks”.  All in all, he expected me to have chemo every other week for the next 6 months.  Now remember, Dr. G told me that I would be getting the standard every-three-weeks dosage.  I knew I must be in trouble, because already, they were upping my dosage.  (This, of course, would also mean that my husband would need to up his dosage of his little blue calming pills- his doctor put Michael on Valium because of my cancer.  We both get prescriptions.  Yea!)

“So, Doctor N-  Is there anything that I can do to not gain so much weight?”

“Not really.  Weight gain is a side effect of the chemotherapy.  The chemo will also shut down your ovaries and force you into menopause which will also cause weight gain.  But that’s really the least of your worries, Karen.”

“Wait.  Hold on a second. You’re telling me that I’m going to be bald and fat?”

At that point, I think the doctor thought my priorities were a little out of whack.  He gave me a strange look and then continued…

Dr. N told me that I would start chemo the upcoming Thursday, which was in 3 days.  He then told me that he wanted me to have one last test before I began chemo.  The test was called a PET Scan.  A PET Scan is the most sensitive cancer detecting test available at the moment.  This test will clearly show if my cancer has spread and where.  At this point, there are a couple of “suspicious shadows”, but the cancer could still be isolated to my breast.

When our meeting was over, Dr. N threw his arms around me in a very awkward bear hug.  I didn’t know how to react.  It was completely unexpected because up until that moment he personified stoic professionalism.  Dr. G never acted this way.  We always closed our meetings with a friendly handshake.  This contact, this hug, made me very worried because I realized on the way home that Dr. N…..felt sorry for me.  Uh oh.

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