Fighting Breast Cancer

Tonight we arrived at Buca di Beppo.  Michael had made arrangements so that we had a private room reserved.  Gradually our friends and family arrived.  When our friend, Jerry, showed up, he was over-wrought with emotion.  He was crying and hugging me–I hadn’t realized how affected he was by my diagnosis.  I think that he was relieved to see that, at this point, I don’t look sick.  He kept saying through his hugs and tears that he couldn’t believe how good I looked. 

Indeed, I don’t look any different at this point.  I still have my hair.  I haven’t gained or lost any weight.  I’m still hitting the gym and walking my dogs every day.  Except for when I have my appointments with my doctors, it is still really hard to convince me that I’m sick. 

The rest of our guests show up and Michael makes a toast.  Our waiter, Tony, asks what the happy occasion is.  It’s easy to tell that he thinks it’s my birthday.  When we tell him the actual cause for our celebration, he looks disturbed. 

We eat and drink and eat some more.  My friend Shanon is there and she makes me laugh by fondling the miniature statue of Michelangelo’s David that’s displayed on a ledge.  Our friend Maria has designated herself as the party’s photographer and keeps arranging all of us for pictures.  She took so many pictures that I was probably exposed to more radiation from all of her photographs than I was from all of the x-rays and scans at the Mayo Clinic. 

It was a great party; a happy occasion.  I think my mother is a little overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and affection from all of our friends.  So am I.

We finally leave and Jerry grabs me again for another hug.  He’s not crying this time which makes me feel relieved.  Still, I console him and tell him everything is going to be fine. 

As we drive home, I think about shaving my head.  Am I ready to do this?  I think I am.  I don’t want to go through the trauma of losing my hair in clumps.  But, on the other hand, I think when I finally shave my head the visual effect won’t allow me to deny that I am sick anymore.  And Denial has become a very good friend of mine, lately.

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