Fighting Breast Cancer

I’ve been making a diligent effort to go to the gym.  So far, I haven’t noticed that I’m slowing down that much.  When I go, I usually get on the elliptical runner for an hour.  While I exercise, I chant to myself and tell my body to make more red blood cells.  Over and over: “Make more red blood cells, make more red blood cells…” 

The times that I am most aware of the effects of my chemotherapy treatments is after the workout.  I’m so exhausted that I need to take a nap.  Exercising used to make me feel more energized.  Now it’s making me feel more tired.  Still, I’ve read so much literature about how exercising eases the effects of chemo, I’m determined to continue working out for as long as I can.

I thought for sure that my new hairdo would ellicit a few stares.  But, mostly people avoid looking at me.  It’s like I became invisible over night.  I look so different from my former self, that people I know don’t even recognize me.  I don’t know how I feel about this.  On the one hand, it’s nice not having to care about my appearance.  On the other hand, I don’t necessarily want to be invisible.  I’m not really sure why people avert their eyes when I walk by.  Is it because they know that I’m sick and they don’t want to stare?  Oh God.  Am I that hideous that people don’t want to look at me?  I must look like some kind of freak.

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