Fighting Breast Cancer

My friend from Michigan is flying out to visit me this weekend.  Great timing.  Cancer is so inconvenient.  Normally when my friend comes to visit me, we hike Camelback Mountian, we go boating at Canyon Lake or we take a daytrip to beautiful Sedona.  Right now, I feel nervous and on edge.  I just don’t think that I’m going to be in the mood to have fun this weekend.

The Radiologist just called me with the news.  I have ”Invasive Ductal Carcinoma“.  She said that it’s the most common type of breast cancer.  Invasive Ductal Carcinoma sounds so clinical.  The thing is, I don’t feel like I have something that warrants a title like Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  Aside from a persistant, dry hacking cough, and feeling slightly rundown, I feel fine.  I would equate my symptoms with the feeling of having asthma or mild bronchitis.  I’m assuming that I feel this way because I’ve hopefully caught the cancer early and will be able to get through this as soon as possible.

My original doctor (my OB/GYN) called me to tell me that I was “right to be concerned” about the lump in my breast.  He retold me the results of my pathology report and referred me to a surgeon to discuss my next course of action.  I’m scheduled to meet with the surgeon tomorrow, which is so inconvenient when you are expecting guests.  

Meanwhile, my husband has been parked in front of his computer Googling ”Invasive Ductal Carcinoma”.  He tends to overreact when it comes to health issues- while I’m quite the opposite.  I’m certain that everything will be fine; there’s no sense getting upset at this point. 

I met with Dr. S this morning.  He is the surgeon that my gynocologist recommended.  He looked at my mammogram film and examined my breast, then sat me down in his office to go over my options. 

First, he took a piece of paper and drew a line down the center, separating it into two columns.  At the top of the left column, he wrote Mastectomy.  At the top of the right column he wrote Lumpectomy + Radiation.  He explained that, statistically, a lumpectomy with 6 weeks of radiation has the same effect as a mastectomy.  (That was the whole purpose of the chart- to show me that the odds were the same.  He could have just told me that.  I don’t need graphics to understand “equal odds”.)

The choice then, would be which surgery I prefer.  He said that regionally, it seems that women in the western side of the U.S. seem to opt for the mastectomy, while more lumpectomies are performed in the East.  God knows why…and really, who cares? 

Anyway, with a mastectomy, the whole breast is removed, including the nipple.  After the mastectomy, I would have to go through a series of breast reconstruction surgeries.  He said that a nipple would be fashioned and tattooed to match my other breast. 

During a lumpectomy, only the tumor is removed.  Once the breast is healed from the surgery, 6 weeks of radiation is applied to the breast to “sterilize” the area where the tumor was removed.  This sterilization process kills any microscopic cancer cells that may have been left behind during the surgery.  Of course, I found out later, it also- ironically enough- leaves you more susceptible to cancer in the future.  You get lots of lose / lose choices when you have cancer.

Dr. S then told me that once my surgery is over, a pathologist will examine the tumor and an oncologist will decide whether I need chemo or not.  He estimated that there is a 50/50 chance that I will need chemo.

Dr. S is giving me the weekend to make my decision.  He wants to schedule the surgery ASAP.

I can’t believe that this is happening to me.  I actually have to make a choice whether I should have my boob cut off or expose myself to radiation for 6 weeks.  Worse yet, how is my family going to react?  My mother is not going to deal with this very well, at all.  I mean, I’m envisioning her screaming and crying and becoming hysterical, and then fainting.  That is if she doesn’t have a stroke first.  This is not good.  This is not happening.  This is not happening!!!

My husband has no opinion on what surgery I should take.  He said, since survival rates are the same, it was my own personal choice…and believe me, he knew the survival rates were the same, because he spent the whole weekend reading about the lumpectomy vs. mastectomy deal.

I’m still torn as to whether I should tell my parents that I have cancer or not.  Since they live out-of-town, I would be able to have my surgery without having to tell them.  I just don’t want to put them through any pain.  My mother tends to be very sensitive and emotional, so I know that she will not take this very well.  My dad would be okay.  He handles anything really well.  I think I’ll call my brother and use him as a sounding board and gauge his reaction.

I should have known better than to use my brother as a litmus test for telling my parents about my cancer.  As far as emotions go, he takes after my mother.  As soon as I told him, there was a pause of surprise (or maybe he was hoping that I was joking?)  Anyway, as soon as he spoke I could tell by the lilt in his voice that he was trying not to cry.  Then he wanted to pray with me over the phone (he’s a Lutheran Minister).  I said “no thank you” to the praying part.  I don’t know why.  I think that it might be because so far, I haven’t really fallen apart over this and I’ve felt pretty strong.  I think I just thought that if I prayed right then, it would be an admission of my own weakness.  Right now, I don’t want to feel weak.  I want to be strong and just get through this.  I’ll call on God when I really need him, thank you very much.